Why people don't understand me?

People often ask why others don't understand them. But a wise man would always ask back if you have tried to understand others.

I think this is a good way to remind oneself on understanding life.

 

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The 3 Ls in my life today

Life in the past were mostly focused on creating & growing wealth, fame & power. But that was then.. After working for 20 over years, and fortunately or unfortunately I haven't gain much of these wealth, fame & power. And now perhaps I got tired. Perhaps I've learned much from Buddha for the past ten years.

Now I focused on the 3 Ls. They are learning, living & loving. Allow me to share more.

Learning - I seek more knowledge these days. Not sure why it makes me happier whenever I learned something new or re-learned the old. I don't mean you must take up a degree or some sort of a course. You can go library to borrow books, read some magazines or surf the web! As long as you learn something, it's an achievement! And do read broadly - outside your familiar subjects. I started to read about dogs and its training and found certain very interesting fact which i never realised such as how a simple technique can train a dog to sit by command within a day! I did it with my puppy! ; )

Living - I've learned to take time off to smell the grass and fresh air.. Though I think I'm still learning about living.. Simple yet elusive at the same time. Maybe i'm born and had lived in City for too long - it's not easy to so-called live, be present. I kept thinking of what's next to do or think. Always keeping myself busy! But what am i busy with really? Now, i treasure low work activity periods as it gave me time to catch up on myself, my family and friends. Work-life balance is now a reality, if not my aim - it takes hard work and discipline to make it work though. I paid more attention to planet earth. I travel more, to see the world. And most importantly, be present and do things i'm passionate about.

Loving - Sometimes people forgot how to love anymore. Loving yourself, loving your spouse and loving your loved ones all take time and effort. Very often we forgot about them and bury ourselves in work, thinking that bringing home the bacon is its sole aim. As i a to live, i begin to reflect about my love ones. I realised that loving your love ones is not the end. If compassion is the way to go, even people you dont know deserve some care and concern too. I start to look at this world thru a different lens. Every one deserves some love and compassion.

It would be deceiving if i told you i've mastered the 3 Ls. And it's the fun part that it takes a lifetime to master. Enjoy this 3 Ls journey and life will likely be a happier one.

Everything happens for a reason

'Everything happens for a reason' is a concept, not an absolute truth. But it's an excellent concept to embrace. It encourages you to look on the bright & positive side of things or life, and it's never harmful.

From another perspective, it depends on the context you are referring to. Looking thru the 'cause & effect' lens, then everything does happen for a reason, and the reason is clearly there's a cause and therefore an effect.

But if viewed from the individual life destiny, then i believe not everything happens for a reason. It is our interpretation of events and our responses to those events that shaped our own destiny. So, it's our own thoughts that give reasons to everything.

This is my understanding thus far.. and i think it's on the same track as Buddhism..

Car accident - Life is fragile.. treasure life..

this is really an unforgettable life experience i will never forget.. it happened so fast and i was stunned to react..

it was around 7.30am.. i had to leave home early as i got something important to do at the office. i missed the bus on my side of road and saw an oncoming bus on the opposite side.. i thought of crossing the road to catch it.. but a spilt second thought i was tired & lazy to make the dash.. 

Next moment, i heard a loud bang and saw an old man on top of a car! It was still moving in a jerky manner. Fortunately the old man fell side way and the car continued to move forward. It bang right into the rear of the bus i was thinking to catch moments ago!

After a few more minutes, i start to realise what happened - The drunk car driver ramped into the old man riding bicycle and then hit the bus. Fortunately the old man was alright though a little hurt. And i learned to treasure my life and my love ones more.  ;-)

a sad case for the whole world

i'm sad to learn that the China Olypmics opening ceremony sweet little child singer lip-sync.. ;-(
And the real less-than-pretty child singer was backstage..

She was never openly acknowledged for her wonderful, tear-inducible singing.. So the organiser felt that 'ugly' child shouldnt be on stage.. It's funny cause i remembered i saw a older man signing on stage as well.. he aint good looking at all!

This is a step backward for China.. as mighty as they may in their economy success.. sad as they loose their basic human values..

Where does that lead us to? human extinction?

My 4 teachers and mentors

They may not know me.. but they are my 4 most important & greatest teachers and mentors! i think about their words.. their teachings almost everyday of my life.. and it took me more than ten years before it actually got internalized.. rewired my brain.. reframed my mind.. however, i'm still learning.. and that's the best part! still learning.. life's not so boring ya.. ;P

How to have a happy work life?

Are u happy at work? Do u complaint about your management, colleagues or work itself? Do you find that your boss is a tyrant , a weakling or even a fool? Do u feel frustrated at work?

Sometimes u wonder if u will ever find an ideal workplace.. and a good, understanding and knowledgeable boss. But after working for more than a couple of companies later, you probably have lost hope.

Is the situation really that bad? Perhaps not so bad.. if only u made an effort to change something..

I will share an approach that might work for u.. it works for me though.. But before i begin, i must say that it only works for people who are proactive. Passive ones need a different antidote. U need to take action to make improvements.

1. Acknowledge your present situation. You must cross the first hurdle by accepting your current situation no matter how bad it is. Dont let your pride get the better of you. Face it squarely as if you are laying down all your cards on the table - list down all those things you dont like. Examine them.

2. Understand work life. Understand life. Recognise that there are few workplace that's ideal. Most people will live thru their lives working in places they dont like - either they hate the job, the boss or their colleagues.. Identify those things you can change. And those you cant change. Be honest with yourself.

3. Learning and growth is the key. If looking for the ideal workplace is almost impossible or requires lots of luck, what should i do? Well, u can first start by changing your mindset. Change your focus to Learning & Growth instead! This focus serves to add value to yourself and your self worth. It divert your attention to worthwhile matters. By means of learning, i really mean improving your knowledge in your work matters. By means of growth, i mean personal development - soft skills such as communication and project/time management. It can also include characters such as being helpful, caring and compassionate. Spiritual aspect may be looked into as well. Once you have gained value, you wont be afraid of loosing your job, moving on to your next job or even start your own business. Treat every bad situation a learning opportunity. U will move on with life anyway.. so, learn from it and move on..

4. Review your situation. Now that you know your new focus - new mindset, you need to relook at those stuff you placed on the table in step 1 and 2.. By now, you would probably have better insights to which you can do to effect change and which you cant. And what you need to do to enhance your learning & growth.

5. Take action now! Ask yourself everyday what you've done today that is keeping you a step forward towards your goal(s). That should be a good check point. A little step each day is a giant step in a year! Good luck! ;-)

Life is so fragile..

Lately i was so busy that i hardly had time to reflect.. i believe it's important to reflect upon life and the things i've done & learned.

somehow,.. this morning i remembered a childhood friend. It was my primary school days.. he's my classmate. I clearly recall that whenever i was so called bullied, he will come to help me out.. sometimes even fight with those boys just to protect me.. u see, i was a small skinny boy then..

as we grew up, we went to different schools.. somehow we lost contact.. but on and off, over the many years into our 20's i still met him near the bridge near our homes.. It also feels good seeing him again.

then, somehow i never see him again. and i thought maybe he has moved. One day, i met an old classmate in the mrt. She told me that he had met a car accident in JB and died instantly. i was sad.. even till now. It becomes a constant reminder that life is fragile.

It balanced my thoughts not to be so materialistic and overly ambitious in career. Life is more than just work and career. It's about love and compassion. It's about living a happy life with friends and fun!

I certainly dont wish to look back when i'm old and regret. Let this memory of a good old friend be a constant reminder for me to live well. As painful as it can be to remember my dear friend, i shall not live in vain! ;-)

an empty life

"An empty life is a happy life"
- Kenneth Woo

Many may not realize that an empty life
is actually a happy life.
In order to appreciate this,
one must understand what emptiness is.
Emptiness is not nothingless.
Coz nothingless means non-existent.
Emptiness is not non-existent.
Either is it totally in existent.
It is both depending very much
of your perception.
Just think of a glass half full with water.
Some see it as half full while others see a half empty glass.
And one must understand that everything u see
are dependent of other entities.
You are not one but connected to this world.
Thus, there's no real self.
Just an illusion in your mind.
Everything is a reflection of your mind.
What your mind thinks may not be real
though it seems real to you at that moment.
Furthermore, nothing is static.
Everything is in motion - changes.
Since there's no real you or a self,
and everything changes,
it is therefore, empty to begin with.
Trying to fill this emptiness only brings pain
coz emptiness as it is -
is only an universal law of nature.
Happy life only begins with this understanding.

3 principles to live by - Robin Sharma

today's The Straits Times 'Mind Your Body' section featured a lawyer turned writer Robin Sharma. He is 41 yrs old & lives in Canada as a single-parent of two kids - Colby, 12 & Bianca, 10. His first book is an inspirational bestseller The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, about a lawyer after having a heart attack, not only dispenses his Ferrari but also changed the way he lives his life. His other books include Monk & Greatness Guide. note: I've not read his books yet though am interested to do so.. Based from the article, it seems his principles are similar to my own beliefs and close Buddhist philosophies as well.. But really need to read his books to be more sure..

3 principles to live by

1. Order your thoughts by night and organise your activities by day.

2. Make time for physical exercise. What's the point of being the richest person in the graveyard? We often take health for granted. Exercise gives energy, makes you live longer, look better and boost creativity. It then cascades into every area of life.

3. NSI, Never Stop Improving. each day take small calculated risk to see yourself grow. move out of your comfort zone. dont be afraid of failures. thru failures u will succeed.

I would add one more principle here (from my own set of principles) to make it more complete, at least for myself.. it's Make time for your love ones.. tat include spouse, family members and friends. we are so busy with our own activities that we failed to realise time flies and let our love ones slowly drifted away.. so make it a point to find time to be with them.

lost..

recently i managed to catch up with a no of my friends.. we chat about anything e.g. work, family, hobbies, love, life in general,.. the sad part is that most of them seemed lost. there is this lifelessness in them. u can easily feel it. they seem to loose interest in almost everything except eat, sleep & watch TV. they said they are bored but dont know what else to do or would interest them. they seem to be carrying that question "what's the meaning of life?" or otherwise they already know the answer "life is meaningless" basically.

that's a sad note. and i feel a little being pulled down likewise. i began to look back at my life experiences and Buddhism for answers. My findings in a nutshell, life is indeed meaningless. it's us who give meaning to life. it's not others who give meaning to our life. the goal of our life is to be happy. that's why we do all sort of things to make ourselves happy. it takes effort to be happy. even more effort to attain eternal true happiness. but it will be worth it. and it's a long journey. and will be a fruitful one. so the meaning of life is the process we undertake to attain eternal true happiness.