principles for relationships

Not too long ago i wrote about guiding principles for my work.. and i named it SWATS. Recently, i started thinking about developing some principles for my relationships. While my love life is still good, i think it can be better! Once in a while, we get into arguments and quarrels.. but i believe i could avoid those unnecessary unhappy moments if i had been conscious and mindful of my spoken words and actions.

So, after brainstorming within my brain.. here's the principles - LCU SWAP!
L.C.U.S.W.A.P. or LCU SWAP to help me remember stands for:

1. Listening. Most people has problem with active listening, genuine listening to what their partner says. must really learn to listen twice as much as speak. one method is the ability to repeat what the other person has just said. He/she will know u are really listening and they will appreciate greatly. In return, they will listen to u much more attentively.

2. Care & Concern. Must learn to show care & concern even though we do care for our love ones but we seldom show it or express in ways that make them feel it. i think a simple "i love you" or "i'm thinking about u and your well being" goes a long way. Words aside. U can also simply give your love ones hugs and kisses..

3. Understanding. First we seek to understand before we are understood. That said it all. Learn to put ourself into other people's shoes. Seek to understand their point of view. Only thru understanding is conflict resolve.

4. Sensitive. Be sensitive to your love ones' needs. Be observant. Be present. That way, u wont miss a beat.

5. Win-win. Always create a win-win situation for everyone including yourself. Nobody needs to loose. it's not a zero-sum game. Negotiate till everyone walks away happy.

6. Advisory. A consultative arrangement is better than an instructive one. whether u like or not, these days, with more & more ppl who are educated and more capable, no one is gonna sit there and wait for your instructions. So, in relationships as well, your spouse esp a wife wont be the quiet ever obedient one.. she will have a mind of her own. Therefore, it would be wise and correct to treat relationship on an advisory nature.. That said, it is situational too. Also depend on who's the ultimate decision maker. Exercise your own judgment.

7. Patience. A lot of times, we need to be patient with our love ones. Dont be rash. Impatience always create more problems.. Meditation is one of the best methods. Try the breathing method and keeping your mind focus on something of a higher purpose. It works!